My Top 10 Sod's flipping Law, kick you in the butt when you're worn out, things about parenthood...
Now, don't get me wrong, I love being a mum. My little men and their toothy grins, their quirky little mannerisms and the little songs they sing, are my raison d'être.
But, very often I find myself laughing cynically about how full of FFS, Sod's Law and irony this whole parenting lark is.
So I've compiled my top few "FFS moments" in no particular order, for your entertainment, in the hope that I'm not alone and completely insane!
Please add your own via FB or comment below!
* Labour - most natural thing in the world - effing painful. Why, oh why, is this necessary?
* Crying newborns most often want you to walk around with them, when you've had no sleep yourself and all you want to do is sit down.
* When you're in a rush to dry your hands to get to a crying child, tea towels roll themselves up in your hands and become useless.
* Babies and toddlers sharpen their elbows especially for your boobs and other painful places.
* Current guidelines suggest making baby bottles fresh and letting the boiled water cool for half an hour before making them. How many babies will wait that long?
* When you're at your most tired and irritable, that's when children play up the most.
* The time with your newborn that you want to savour and enjoy is the time you're more like a worn out zombie and probably wouldn't notice if they'd turned into an elephant!
* Children have a natural predisposition to become daredevils and try new things the day before a big event.. See christenings, weddings, first day at nursery etc...
* It doesn't matter how hard you try, children are always programmed to wake up ready and raring to go for the day between 5am and 6am ... 365/7. Was I totally stupid when I was surprised to find babies didn't differentiate between weekdays, weekends and bank holidays...? Sounds silly now!
* Toilets, toilet brushes, sofa cushions, litter, mud, poo, play doh and felt tip pens are fascinating.
And all I'm going to do is smile sweetly, curse silently under my breath and carry on regardless!